Going against the mainstream

The real question is: do you seek to influence others with your strong opinion, or do you impose your will upon others?

That was the (paraphrased) question I was asked today.

I certainly hope I don’t impose my will upon others; even if I did, i think it’ll be hard to do so, as some of my views are quite different from mainstream opinion on things.

In fact, I think it’s precisely because my views are different that they sometimes come across as being more forceful than if they were echoing the commonly held perception. Compare for example the following:

• Mainstream: I think it makes absolute sense that a man should pay 3-months salary to buy a diamond ring for me. How else is he to prove his sincerity in wanting to marry me, and how can I show off to my friends without a big rock?
• Mine: I think it makes no sense whatsoever to bankrupt the man whose finances you will soon share. Also, if you need to be given a rock before you’ll marry a man, it means that you don’t really want to marry him in the first place.

Also,

• Mainstream: The gate-crashing part of a wedding is the best part! It’s so much fun and we girls should think of the most gruelling and embarrassing activities to put the guys through. Way to go girls!
• Mine: The gate-crashing part of a wedding is a waste of time, energy and resources and should be scrapped altogether. Torturing your man and his friends serves no purpose, more so because you don’t get to witness the activities first-hand.

I think the views put forth are equally emphatic – but i’m quite sure mine are more ‘shocking’ and evoke a larger response than the mainstream ones do (ludicrous as they may be).

I think that part of the reason why I’m tend to assert my alternative opinion is because I don’t see why the mainstream view should be accepted as the natural norm. Why should that be the case?  Certain things don’t make sense, yet sometimes people subscribe to them because everyone else does so too and not doing so means you may be left out, or viewed as being different from others, or unable to compare yourself with others and/or outdo them. It’s the whole keeping up with the Joneses mentality that gets to me - because others do it therefore I should, otherwise I will lose out.

Also, I guess I’m used to the idea of debate, of people voicing their opinions in forceful manner to persuade, convince and most importantly to share ideas and arguments. It’s only through the exposure to alternative points of view that one’s intellect can be sharpened and thoughts refined. Discussion with others who think differently inspire you to think from different angles yourself; you benefit from the process.

Of course, I think there’s also the semi-conscious desire to convert others to my point of view, so that common practices or views which I disagree with or disapprove of will become less common. Haha!

At the same time, it’s also always interesting to have Singaporeans tell me that I’m assertive or opinionated. None of the JETs I was with ever thought to label me as such, simply because there’re people in their home countries who are far more assertive and opinionated than I am, and far more aggressive than I ever will be – in fact, it doesn’t even cross their minds to describe me as “aggressive”, because to them i’m not at all. My assertiveness also paled in comparison two of the other girls who were there.

So back to the question that I’ve asked myself before – why do people’s opinion of me differ so much when i’m viewed against Western societies as compared to when I’m viewed in the context of Singapore’s society?