Two and a half years

A chat the other day had someone ask me what made me decide to move to Belfast “out of a sudden”. And it struck me then that this move isn’t sudden at all – on the contrary, it is a whole two and a half years in the making.

I hadn’t thought about this in a long time, and I suppose I hadn’t shared it with that many people either. But there were what were to me anxious, depressing talks about “what next”, “where now from here” and “how can we get visas with nothing but experience being assistant language teachers beneath our belts”. The decision to first go our separate ways was made, but there was the knowledge – although I might not have fully admitted it to myself back then – since the day we boarded separate planes at Kansai Airport, that this Singapore-phase of my life was always going to be an sojourn; an interlude before our lives merged properly again.

I recall how it was when I just came back – with no job, severely missing Japan and full of uncertainty over what was going to happen to us. I remember the difficulties adjusting – to living with the parents again, to the crowds in Singapore, to the lower quality in the taste of food, to being so very far apart. It was painful, it was frustrating, I didn’t want to be here and I was not happy.

Yet, humans will always adjust and somehow things managed to develop their own sense of permanence. The friendships I had before Japan were renewed and some new friends were made; work, unfortunately, more or less became my life but I really got back into ballet; my ability to really appreciate good, fresh, clean flavours faded to just a memory; and I came to spend lots of time with a bunch of colleagues whose company I really enjoy.

One year flew by, and there came this ‘turning period’ where a question posed led to some thinking, which resulted in the decision that something had to be done to end this at two years. Slowly, steps were taken and plans were made – it would have been very nearly 2 years if I could have left in September as originally intended, but there was the traumatic visa application, the agonising wait, the monetary calculations and decisions stemming from desires borne of friendship and, of course, Chinese New Year. So two and a half years (and 9 days, in fact) it will be.

Looking back, things feel so different now. August 2010 is without a doubt the lowest point in my life thus far, and I hope it remains so. Also, I’m tempted to describe the time back here as “liminal” – except that it really is not, as I’ve gained a lot and things have developed. Regardless, the next phase is something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time, so here’s wishing for its fruition, for a good adventure and for much more happiness ahead!

Hokkaido, July 2010. We used to take so many shadow pictures in Japan.